The Disappearing Client

I often reflect on the strangeness of serving as a psychotherapist. It's hard to know the impact of my work, because I'm only present in their lives for a relatively brief period of time, and then I cease to be "there" after the client moves on and the record of our time together is sealed. Last night, I was blessed with a dream that relieved that sense of my estrangement from the future lives of those I have counseled.

It seems that the mother of a 23-year-old client has sent me a video of him, but he's 20 years older. I am watching him as a confident, handsome man who is working dynamically with a group of people. I am moved by how much he has evolved. Suddenly I realize that the video surrounds me--I am suddenly in it, as he comes up and greets me with warmth and affection. A man now seems to be my guide, and he takes me from room to room, where I see "advanced" versions of other clients. Their faces are recognizable, though 20 years or so in the future. The guide seems to be implying, "Now can you see the impact of your work?"

This dream probably occurred in response to a conversation I had with several interns I supervise two nights ago. I was discussing how clients are not there to take care of us, and how they will often leave without notice, causing us to wonder if they are ok, and if we have done something wrong. I told them the story of a woman who disappeared without a trace after two intense years of therapy, and then called me 10 years later to tell me how important our work had been. I did not tell her how I'd wondered for years if she was alive or dead, and that her abrupt departure left me reeling with unanswered questions. No, that was for me to deal with, no her. We were beyond the therapeutic contract, and I was simply grateful that she'd called to tell me she was okay.